It's "OK" to not be "OK"

I hate having to feel like I have to have everything figured out.  No wonder people are so depressed in this world. 

We live in a society that thinks that you have to have your shit figured out by a certain age.  Who decided this?  Just because everyone graduates college by 24 or is married by 25 and has children and such does not mean that it has to be the same way for you.

Talking to my friend the other night and she was telling me about a conversation that she had with God last Sunday as she got ready for church.  She was worried what people from church might think of her tweets about drinking wine and such and going out with some friends to a bar on Friday.  She did not get drunk and was in bed by 11:30 PM both nights. 

While she was thinking about this, she felt God tap her on the shoulder (she actually said this) and ask her when He ever told her to take up her cross and follow them? 

Granted, my friend seeks the approval from everyone, except me because she knows I’ll love her regardless.

So why do we feel we have to seek the approval of others, especially those in our church family?  My Church family knows that who I am at church is who I am in life.  I don't live the double life and act like everything is alright all the time.

We are called to take up our cross and Follow Him.  Sometimes, this might mean that you are not doing it by other's pre-determined plans, but by God’s plan.  Maybe you have run into some road blocks in your life and might think that this it for your destiny.  However, maybe it was in the failures that God taught you to become stronger and was setting you up for His plan for you.

I like to think about the twelve disciples when I think about situations like these.  As my Pastor once called them, the "twelve losers," none of them had anything together.  Peter was an unsuccessful fisherman who was uneducated and probably was one of those individuals who didn't have anything together.  Most of them pretty much fit this mold. 

However, what I love about this is that Jesus still called Peter and the rest of the disciples to follow Him and he would make them fishers of men.  They were probably disappointed when they found out that Jesus did not mean the slave trading business.

We live in a society that tells us that to be successful, you have to have this much money, be married by this age, have this many children and be happy. 

I have read the Bible, and I have never seen those directions for a perfect life anywhere.  All I have read from the Gospels and from the letters of the New Testament is that we are to live a Christ centered life.  Nothing more.  No deadlines on life decisions like marriage, college, children or buying a home. 

I feel pressured every day from my family.  My Father and Mother are pushing me to go look at homes, find a wife and think about the future. 

Granted, I think about the future, but not that far off into it anymore.  I have a secret desire that I have yet to express to anyone that I am praying about right now.  If I decide to do it, I can guarantee my family will totally be against it and I will be doing it on God’s accord and not theirs. 

However, I am tired of feeling like I have to live in a box that has boundaries in it.  I have never been happier then I have ever been in a long time.  Granted, I have my days when I am depressed, but I believe this to be a part of life. 

I have a special place in my heart for those who are depressed.  I don't think anyone knows exactly what entails when an individual is truly depressed a majority of their time.  Some Christians like to say that they just need to lean on Jesus and he will overcome their depression.  However, I believe it to be a serious illness. 

Until you experience weeks of wanting nothing more than to lie in bed and sleep all day and feeling as if you would rather just be dead, don't tell me that you can get over depression just by getting out and hanging with friends. 

It was not until last year that I realized that I suffered from serious depression.  It took months to overcome it, but alas, I have. 

The day I realized it was the day Jaime got engaged.  We were all watching from the bushes as he proposed and we were all excited.  Afterwards, we were all going to go out to eat and all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed.  Nothing else.  They all tried to talk me out of it, but I refused and did exactly that.  Slept all day and night, woke up and went to work the next morning. 

I realize that this is a problem with a lot of people.  Yet, when someone expresses that they are depressed, we ask them why.  My friends tried this.  The thing with depression is you cannot pin point why you feel the way you do.  You just want to give up hope on life. 

I feel we pressure people way too much to live a life that we expect them to live rather than the life Jesus wants them to live.  Just as my friend felt the other morning while getting ready for church, she was feeling guilt for what she did, not because of God, but because of her church family.

I am thankful that I have found a church that lets it be OK to not to be OK.  That when my Pastor ask me how I am, that I can tell him "not so good" and he'll be considerate to ask if I want to talk about it.  If I don’t, he is kind enough to say he’ll be praying for me.  And if I do, he drops everything he is doing to listen.

None-the-less, I will always remember Proverbs 3.5-6:

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."