Saturday, May 21, 2011

i am writing...

I automatically go for the worst possible women ever.  I don't know if it is because I know that there is no chance that a relationship will form or if I just enjoy actually being accepted by someone. 

My lick has not been good lately or my confidence hasn't been up.  I know I deserve someone great and someone who will appreciate me for me.  However, I still have it in the back of my head that I don't deserve a great woman.  Not after the pain I have put so many through.  So I date the bad one's.

The last woman and I had nothing in common.  Is not a Christian, goes to dstrip clubs, drinks like a fish.   PASS. 

Yet, I still asked her out for a second date.  I think I am just getting lonely and will settle for any companionship.  It could be that my best friend AND my little brother are getting married next Saturday.  I actually had the nerve to call my mom and ask her if I could not go.  Maybe just fly to the beach for the weekend. 

She said she would kill me if I did.

However, this evening, as I was watching a movie (chick flick) with some friends from church, I started to realize that what I see in these love stories IS what I want.  I want the impossible love that when you think it will never happen, it happens. 

until then, i am loving my relationship with God

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