pardon the interruption

So, I am getting a tattoo in less then 2 weeks and could not be more excited about it.  This has literally been a 3 year event.

I had asked my brother to design this tattoo, um, I think at least 3 years ago and he finally finished it last month.  This is one of many.  I already have them all mapped out. 

A co-worker and I were talking about it one day and when  another co-worker came up (who happens to be a preacher) and over heard me talking about it.  He asked me, "how does Jesus feel about it?"  I shrugged him off and just replied. "I don't think he cares or he would have told me by now."

This guy then went on to tell me that he can show me in the Bible, scriptures that speak (not directly) about tattooing. 

I asked him if he has a bank account, which he replied "yes."  I told him that I could show him a scripture where JESUS specifically said not to store up treasures for yourself here on earth. 

He backed down and laughed it off.  He said that I was right and that it was based on traditions more then anything.  He said if he had a tattoo that he wouldn't be able to preach in his denomination.

Sad, isn't it?  We have become so consumed by what is on the outside of someone and ourselves, that we forget that the way we see each other, is not the same way that God does.  Why then do we have higher standards then God?!

It takes me back to the book of Acts, when they Disciples didn't know if the Gentiles should be circumcised or uncircumcised.  Typically, Jewish culture called for them to be circumcised.  Some new Christians taught that you HAD to be circumcised to be saved.  This did not fair well with Paul and Barnabas.  (Acts 15)

They both went to ended up going to Jerusalem to talk to the Apostles about the matter.  It came down to it that it is by grace alone that we are saved and that the Gentiles received the Holy Spirit, even without being circumcised.  This confirmed that circumcision was not important.

It seems that no matter what point the church has been at, whether it be new or old, there are always individuals that want to force others to look a certain way. 

I don't recall Jesus telling the disciples to change their ways then follow Him.  No, he just instructed them to follow Him, then and there, as they were.

I have heard so many times, people preaching about"being who God wants you to be."  He said that if he were who God had intended him to be, he'd be naked.  Meaning, the fall of man would never had taken place. 

This makes sense.  It might be a bit extreme, but it makes perfect sense.  We can never truly become who God had intended us to be because of the fall of man.  However, that does not mean that He doesn't have other intentions for us now. 

We need to strive to be those called by God and a light that shines bright in this dark world.  Not worrying about the physical appearance of a man, but the inward appearance.  I mean, if it is good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for us.

Collie P. Milligan

Grandpa Collie has been in and out of the hospital 3 times in the past 3 months and has been there for over a week now.  I finally visited him on Thursday. 

I had been avoiding it.  I had known in my heart, for the past few months, that this time was coming.  Ever since I took him to see his sister in Seymour, TX last March. 

I didn't want to see him in such a frail state nor did I want to start saying my goodbye's just yet.  I wanted to be selfish and hold on to him longer. 

Thursday night, I walked in to his dim hospital room on the fourth floor.  He smiled from ear to ear when I stepped in.  The moment I saw him I broke into tears.

I told him how sorry I was for not visiting him, that I had not wanted to see him like this.  He started crying, grabbed my hand and told me it was OK.

We continued to hold hands for a good amount of time, both of us in tears.  I told him how much I love him.  That I was so glad that he was my Grandpa and that I was proud to share his name.

After that, we just sat there and continued to cry. 

My heart hurts.  He had been dealing with Parkinson's disease for over 10 years now.

My Grandfather had been the strongest person I had known growing up.  He had married a woman with 3 boys and adopted them, giving them each his last name. 

I had not known of this until I was 10, but didn't fully understand it until age 13.

He became a stronger man after I found this out.

When i was a child, my older brother and I had this deep fear for my Grandpa Collie.  Not that we didn’t love him or he love us, he was just very strict and stern.  When we would stay the nights at him and my grandmother's house, my brother and I would be in the front bedroom laughing and telling jokes when we were supposed to be sleeping. 

Grandpa would then appear in the door way.  When we saw him, we quickly became silent.  My grandpa, would say (in a deep voice), ”go to sleep or I'll be busting some butts tonight.”  This would scare my brother and I enough to fall asleep. 

My grandpa didn’t talk much to us when we were younger.  I just knew, he was always there for my brothers and I when my parents were going through their divorce.  He and my grandmother would take us on vacations, because my parents couldn’t afford to.

They would drive two hours up to Tulsa, from Oklahoma City, to pick us up from our mothers on weekends when my father was working and unable too.

When he was still working, he had a strict routine.  He'd come home from work, change clothes and get on the treadmill and watch the news as he walked.  My Grandmother would be starting dinner at this point.  He then would go take a shower, dinner being finished exactly when he was finished. 

When did it change?  When did he transition from this strong man to this man that is laying in the bed today?  The answer is, I don't know.  I let the time slip by me and now I can't get it back.

I broke down today when I got home. I remembered that my Grandfather used to whistle everywhere when he drove.  He didn't listen to the radio much. 

I realized today, I will never hear him whistle again. 

I want to go back in time and get back the time I lost.  I want to be on his knee, with his arms around me. I want one more giant hug.  But I'll never have those things again.  Not here on this world anyway. 

So right now, I am grieving.  Losing a man I have known my whole life, who knows me better then anyone in this world, is leaving.  So I need to say my goodbye's.

Now is my time to cry, because when the time does come for him to pass away, I will need to be strong for my Grandma. 

She is the only reason he is hanging on.  He knows she is not ready to let go. 

As I was sitting up there today, I was given a piece of paper with questions, written by my Grandma, to ask the doctor, in case he comes in while she was getting something to eat.  The questions were 1) when will he be back to normal 2) when is he coming home 3) when will he be able to speak clear again, and 4) will this be our life style from now on? 

That's when I realized my Grandma was in denial.  She has not accepted what the doctor has told her and my Father... that Grandpa won't get better. 

To me, they reflect true love.  She is by his side day and night, doing everything for him, taking care of him.  And he lies there, hanging on, because he knows she needs him.  He is still being strong, even while dying.

They truly understand the meaning of what love is.  As Paul told the Church in Corinth in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 

I know Paul was referring to God, but as we are bride to Jesus, should our love for our bride and groom not be any different?

As my Grandpa waited today for my Grandmother to get back from lunch, he kept asking me where she was.  I told him that she would be back shortly, joking around with him that he just was concerned about the malt she was bringing him. 

But that wasn't it at all.  He just wanted her to be there.  He knows, and wants to spend as much time with her as possible.

Because he loves her. 

This is the love I want and I know God wants for everyone to have.  To have someone that I would be willing to do anything for and she do the same for me.  That I would fight death, just to spend a few more minutes with her.

I pray God sends my Grandmother peace right now.  I can't begin to imagine, how she is feeling this very moment.  It is now that we hold on to our faith, knowing we will see him again. 

I know, when I get to heaven and I hear someone coming up behind me whistling, it'll be my Grandpa Collie.

?

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Sitting out in the lobby, trying to catch my breath, I have been thinking a lot about love and true love.

Yes, you could chop it up to me being in TWO weddings today, but it is so much more then that. I am having a blast out here, mingling with the ladies, and everyone of them is shocked that I am not drinking or trying to get drunk.

Do I really come off that way? As hyper as I am, you'd think I was drunk, but shockingly all I have had is a glass of wine, half a beer and three bottles of water.

I guess I need to work on my image if I plan on finding Ms. Right. Don't need anymore stripper girls.

I am happy for my brother and jaime. They have found what I have been looking for.

Now, it's my turn....

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the blame game

Just visited and had a long talk with my friend Melissa from Tulsa.  Known each other for ten years now.  I have watched as she has taken every wrong turn imaginable and yet she blames others for her problems. 

She is moving back in with her ex-husband of 3 years that she has only been back with for 1 month.  Here's the kicker, she has a 6 year old daughter...and he is not the father. 

She tells me that everyone has told her this is a bad idea but she has prayed and feels God leading her in this direction.  I tried talking since in to her, but she kept telling me that I need to be in her shoes to see her point of view.  I remember when I was this naive.  No one could talk sense in to me.  I was set in my ways. 

I blamed everyone for my problems but myself.

I think that everyone does.  It's built in within our human nature to pass the blame on to others.  Even Christians do it.  They blame all their problems on the Devil or being persecuted because they are Christians.

I use to go to a Bible Study on Friday nights at Cameron's house and one hour would be spent on a lesson and then another hour was people going around the room talking about how they were persecuted for being a Christian.  And trust me, some of the stories was a stretch to be considered persecution.

Example:  There was a individual (who we will refer to as Mark) who was a parts runner for a company.  On one run, one of Mark's co-workers asked him to pick up cigarettes at the store for him.  Mark refused and explained to his co-worker that he can not because he thinks that smoking is a sin and he will not contribute to his bad habit. 

????

Anyway, upon return, Mark found that all his co-workers were making fun of him for not purchasing cigarettes.  He was considering this persecution. 

This is not persecution, this is you being annoying.  You are pressing your personal convictions on others and just finding a reason to be loud and obnoxious.  I will not take this as my own statement, but Lou Giglio said that "maybe people don't find Jesus annoying, they find you annoying."

How true.  Maybe you passing out those tracks every day is just becoming irritating and when they think of Jesus, they think of you.  Obnoxious and annoying.

We like to pass blame.  When you lose our jobs, you blame that the "enemy" is attacking you on your job.  Maybe it could because of you being late everyday?  Maybe it could because your attitude.  Maybe it could be because you could not do the job.  Regardless, don't give the Devil more credit then he deserves. 

We are a species designed to blame.  Growing up as children, we automatically blame someone for something that we did.  As adults, we do the same. 

You would be surprised how many people will respect you more when you take ownership for your problems.  I have finally come to grips with where my life was at 3 months ago and knew it was my problem  An it was then that I started trusting in God's way and not my own that things started to turn around. 

"For every mile you go in the wrong directions, turns out to be a 2 mile error"-Mark Batterson

why bad things happen? I don't know.

I am a huge comic book nerd.  Batman is by far my favorite superhero.  Reason: he is human yet can do almost anything you think of.  Yes, I know, it is all fictional, but a boy (man) can dream. 

However, most people, when asked what superhero they could be they would have to say Superman.  They dude can do EVERYTHING.  I think that is why he is lame.  If the man can do everything, what is there to stand in his way?

In the comics, Superman does everything from stop bombs to rescuing kittens in the tree.  Batman would just stop the bomb.  He'd let you get your own stupid kitten out of the tree. You let it get up there, now you get it down.  That's just how cool he is. 

I think if Superman were real, I know the world would rely on him to save the day for everything.  Which got me to thinking about God.  If God answered every single prayer, would the world rely on God for every single thing?

Probably yes.

I have been thinking about the family today in Piedmont who lost two boys.  Why would God allow this to happen?  The answer really, I don't know.

Sometimes I think about life as a game (not in the winning type of sense).  There are certain rules in all games.  They can not be changed in the middle of the game or it would disrupt the whole order of the game.  Maybe that is how life and God are.  He can't change the laws of physics of this world or it would disrupt the whole order of life.

However, Jesus did say that the power that was inside of Him is now inside of us.  Maybe we are looking to God for the answers when the answers truly live inside us.  If the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, should we not have the power to do the same as Jesus did while at sea with the disciples and calm the storm (Mark.35-40)? 

The truth is, I don't have the answer to those questions.  I know that there have been numerous times that I have asked Chirst to answer certain prayers for me and they were not answered.  I found out later that there were reasons why they weren't...good reasons.

As I sat next to my grandfather tonight in his hospital bed, I wept as I held his hand.  He cried with me.  We told each other how much we love each other and I told him that he has been the greatest grandfather ever.  I am not saying my goodbyes to him because I believe he is not passing yet, but I did apologize for not being around as much.

It's hard for me to see my grandfather like this.  He used to be such a strong man, and now his skin hangs off his bones.  His parkinson's disease has taken it's toll on his body to where you can barely understand what he is saying.  I know this frustrates him because it makes him come off ignorant when I know he is the smartest man alive.

Anyway, as I sat there while he fell asleep and briefly watched the basketball game, I started praying.  But I didn't know what to pray for. 

On one note, I know my grandfather is deteriorating fast right now and we have very few moments left with him.  So I want his last days to be comfortable.

On another note, I would love to see him back to who he once was. 

Here is the kicker.  I know we are all going to grow old and die.  It is a part of life.  So what do I pray for? 

I prayed for peace and comfort for him.  I prayed for God's will and not my own.  All I ask of God is that if He decides to take my grandfather, that he do it peacfully.

God created science and he can't undone it. Well, he can, but that would affect the order of this world that he created and if he did that, we would all be relying on Him for all miracles and never motivate ourselves to do anything.  Just as we would if there were a Superman in this world.

I am proud to be named after my grandfather.  Collie Milligan.  To have the last name of Milligan is an honor.  I told him this tonight.  I always hoped he would be able to see my wife and first born child so he could meet them.  However, I am afraid time is running short. 

I will cherish the presish time we have left.  I try to fight back the tears when I am with him because when he see's me cry, he cries.  I love my Grandfather and I will always be his Grandson.  To me, he is Batman.

"Let not you heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.  In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and recieve you Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." John 14.1-3 NKJV

speak your mind

Have you ever met one of those people that everytime you see them, they are the most bubby person ever and act like there is not a problem in the world?

Yea, those people annoy me.

I used to think that when you gave your life over to God, that is what you were suppose to become.  That is what I was taught, anyway.  Depression or even being down because you are thinking of old memories was worng and trick of the devil.  As if we think that these are not true human emotions created by God.

I do not believe this anymore.  I think that we all the right to be sad, hurting, depressed, grieved, etc.  God created us in His image and expresses some of these emotions in the Bible Himself.  In Genesis 6.6, it states that God's heart was "grieved" because man had turned on him. 

Luke 22.41-44, while Jesus was praying in the garden, He was begging God to let this obligation pass from hime.  He was praying so hard that the Bible says that He was in "agony."  Then an angel came to Him and gave Him strength.

I have been lately, you could say, depressed?  I don't know, maybe grieving?

I have had a lot on my ming lately.  Nothing to do with my relationship with God or even my job.  Both those are great. I have just had a lot of old memories on my mind.  I have been praying and asking God to take these memories from me, but He hasn't.  I am sure there is a lesson He is trying to teach me, I am just anxious to find out what it is. 

When others and I get like this, we are always asked by other individuals, what is wrong.  I don't want to be one of those Chrsitians that always says "great" because of fear that they might think that might relationship with God is hindering.  I think this gives non-believers the impression that a life with Jesus is a basket of roses.

No, I want to be one of the Christians that respond, "a little down today" or "I'm hangin in there." 

I wonder what the world would be like if people were just open with everyone.  If someone ask you what is bothering you, tell them.  They'll either care for you and try to be there for you, or that will be the last time they ask you how you are.  If you are upset with someone, tell them.  If you love someone, tell them.  Whatever it is and when opportunity presents you the chance, tell someone how you feel.  You may never get the opportunity again. 

I ran into a girl today that I went out with a couple of weeks ago.  She asked me why I haven't text her lately.  I could had lied and told her I was busy, like I used to do in the past, but I tried the honest route.  I told her that, though I thought she was gorgeous (which is why I asked her out in the first place), that I don't think that we have anything in commone. 

You know what?  She agreed and thanked me for my honesty.  Now, we can atleast be firiends and things not be awkward, unlike others in my past.

Just be honest with people, even if something is bothering you.

It gets harder and harder to put on that mask everyday and go to work when there is something bothering me or have something on my mind. 

I tried not to, but I let it show tonight at band practice and Tiffany called me afterwards to ask me if everything was ok.  I told her it was and I was just going through a lot with some things on my mind. 
Phone calls help during times like these.

I want to show the world that yes, you will have bad days even being a Christian.  Though some days you may feel as the world is crashing down on you, God is sending His Spirit to give you strength through it.  '

If I didn't have Jesus inside me, I don't know how I would be getting through my days right now.  However, I do...so I am living and still loving him.  Thankful for his promise that he'll never leave me nor forsake me.

::listening to "if it means a lot to you" by a day to remember::

stuck on spin cycle

Lately, I have been so in love with Jesus. 

Why does that sound so bad???  Because in the past I always viewed Jesus as a person who judged me and always told me I was a horrible person. 

Everyone remembers John 3:16- "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Yet no one remembers 3:17-"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

I did not go to church every Sunday as a child.  My mother was too tired to take us being a single mom (so if you are a single mom and take your children to church still, I have just as much respect for you).  I did go occasionally with my friend Jason.  Him and I have been friends since first grade.  He was my first true friend. 

He would always invite me to go to church with him. So I would go, just so I could hang out with him.  Anyway, the youth pastor would preach and at the end of his sermon he would talk about sin and tell us that if we had sin in our life, we needed ask Jesus into our hearts so we can be forgiven.  So I would repeat after the pastor the common sinners prayer and was forgiven.

HOORAY!

I would go back, he would give another similar message and I felt convicted again.  So I would say the prayer...again. 

This repeated itself numerous times. 

See, it was never explained to me that we all have sin in our lives and that even though I messed up after asking Jesus for forgiveness, that I was able to repent and keep on moving on with my life.

So since I did not realize this and I felt like I kept failing Jesus, I gave up.  I figured I was not able to resist sin so I couldn't be saved.

Fast forward to age 21.  I was at my Dad's church.  This was a Pentecostal church.  I figured I would give it a try again.  So I went to the altar one night and knelt down and prayed.  However, I wasn't given a prayer to repeat.

INSTEAD, as I was there kneeling at the altar trying to think of what to say to God and I started feeling all these people lay hands on my body and forehead, shouting and praying for me.

You know how hard it is to focus when someone is shouting louder then my thoughts?  Not to mention, I have shiny object syndrome (meaning, I am easily distracted).  Anyway, I got saved that night...and I was given a list of do's and don'ts that I was to avoid immediately.

I didn't do very well with the list.  I tried...but yea, I am still flesh.

Luckily, there was another service and everyone went to the altar so I could repent again and go on with life.  This process repeated itself for about 2 years.  Then I got tired of repenting every Sunday and having everybody's hands on me. So I assumed it was a no win situation.

Never at one time did I ever think there was no God or Jesus, I just felt as if I was not worthy to be part of His family because I kept failing.

It wasn't until I started having separate talks with my friend Cameron that I realized that we are all sinners and that there is no way that we can be without sin.  That is why we have Jesus.

This I could do.  I could live a life for God knowing I can't be perfect, but through Jesus Christ, I had been cleansed before God. (Romans 3:23-24).

So I spent the next 6 years of my life loving God, but not living for God.  I did things my way and not His.  I trusted in myself and not Him.  I figured if God wanted me to have something I would have it, if not, then I wouldn't. 

I hate the phrase, "everything happens for a reason." 

????  No it doesn't.  It happens because man let it happen.  You let it happen to yourself.  You chose your way and not His.  I am living proof of this.  Maybe, just maybe, if I would had been doing things his way, I would have everything and not be sitting alone right now blogging.  Maybe if I would have started this process I started the day after my birthday this year, I would be in better shape. 

It was that day, the day after I got trashed at a karaoke bar that I decided that the life I was living was not the life I wanted.  It was then I decided, regardless if anything changes, I was going to do it his way.  Not going to go off a list of rules, but just love, talk and trust in him.

You know what?  Things started changing.  I found more joy in my life. And slowly...slowly, He has been changing me.  I didn't recognize it at first, but he was. 

First was sex.  I just found myself saying no.  The temptation is there, yes, but I found myself thinking "this is to be saved for someone special that God gives me."  It wasn't like the day I decided to start living his way that I told myself that I was not going to do this, this and this. 

God slowly changed my heart. 

The next thing was alcohol.  I still drink occasionally, but it is really in moderation.  Not like I was before and just going out to get hammered. 

Right now, He is working on my language. Yes, I curse like a sailor (sorry mom).  I don't hesitate to drop an f-bomb when I get mad.  I try to catch myself, but right now I am still slipping.  But you know what?  That's OK.  Because this time, it's by God's will that I am changing and not my own.

I think that is a struggle for the church today.  When we see someone get saved, we don't truly explain to them what it truly means.  We shouldn't give them a list of rules to live by and tell them if they fail them that they need to repent or they are going to hell. 

NO ONE IS PERFECT

That is why God sent Christ, because He was.  Let God transform the individual and not us transform them.  Explain to them that if they mess up, Christ is there for them, just as he was before. As it says in Hebrew 13:5, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 

You don't have to start over every time.  Sometimes, the fall is the lesson we are learning.  I love the quote from Batman Begins by Bruce's father."..and why do we fall?  So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

God willing you will not fall, but if you do, rest assured that Christ is there to help pick you back up. 

Become transformed through him by his will, not your own. 

So why am I so in love with Jesus now more then I was before?  Because I see much more value in His grace is and love for us.  I see that he did more then just save me once, but he saves me everyday and picking me back up.

::listening to Band of Horses::

keep living....like there is no tomorrow

I was jamming out in my car this morning on my way to church.  I usually listen to the music in our worship set just so I can go through the chords in my head. I didn't this morning. 

I have been so moved by Chris Tomlin' "Spirit Fall."  (I listen to other music besides Christian, just try to get my spirit in a worshipful mood on Sunday mornings).  Such a beautiful and powerful song, yet simple.

I like simple. 

Anyway, as I was singing along.  I started thinking about the events from the previous day.  If you didn't know, some organization predicted that the rapture was going to happen on May 21, 2011 and earthquakes were going to happen all over the world.

Well, as you can see, it didn't happen. 

A lot of my friends on Facebook were making jokes about it.  Heck, I even tweeted about not even going to work because of it.  Called my dad and asked him if we were going to be open today and he told me, "even sinners need cars."  Love my dad's sense of humor.

My favorite Facebook status was this one.  "Holy Crap!  I think the rapture is starting!  Ten minutes ago there was a bunch of people waiting at the bus stop down the street and now they're all gone!

You can't help but laugh at that, but on my way to church this morning, as I was lost in just a worshipping spirit, I felt God dealing with me about this. 

These people sold EVERYTHING to go evangelize for the past two years.  Do I think the guy leading it is a scammer?  Yes.  That is between God and him on his judgement day.  No, my heart goes out to those who believed this man.  They followed him and believed in him. 

I pray for them tonight.  The only thing they are guilty for is setting a date for Christ's return.

Matthew 24.36 says ".. no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."

However, their message though, that Christ is returning is true.  So if I could speak to them, I would tell them this.

"Don't stop.  You are doing what most Christians are afraid to do.  You gave up everything in your life to preach Gospel.  So you don't know the exact date, no big deal.  It is coming though, so continue your work.  Keep preaching.  Don't stop telling of Jesus' coming."

I admire them...to a point.  I don't admire them for following some man's prediction, but I do admire their courage to leave their lives and try to spread the Gospel with the World. 

It does prove a point.  Think about when you have a deadline for a project, maybe for school or at work.  You hurry to get it done on time.  However, if you don't have a time frame, you don't rush to get the job done.

Perfect example:  I asked my brother 2 years ago to design me a tattoo.  I finally got it last month and I am having the tattoo done on June 10th.  I had been bugging him and bugging him about it and he kept telling me he was busy but would get to it.  It wasn't till February that I told him that I either have it by May 1st or I am doing it without him. 

I got the design 2 weeks ago.  I emailed it to my guy and I am now getting it done. 

We don't start doing anything until we know we have little time to do it.

When it comes to the end of the world, we don't know.  That is most Christian's problems, including my own. Since we think we have plenty of time, we are procrastinating.

We are afraid, as Christians, of what people will think of us when we do share our faith.  If the person is a good enough friend, they will know you aer doing it because you love them. 

I would hate to get to heaven someday and my best friend standing there as he is taken to Hell screaming "why didn't you ever tell me!?!?  WHY!!!

I am going to start sharing my faith.  I love my friends and family too much to not share it.  I know I am not the greatest witness to the body of Christ, but that is the great part about my God.  '

He forgives. He forgets.

He accepts me for me and not what I am going to be, but for what I am now.

I want to start living.

it's all in the past...or the future?

We are a country that loves to celebrate our past.  We celebrate EVERYTHING.  We don’t let anything be forgotten.   I used to work for a bank.  Trust me, I know how many holidays there are.

There is Martin Luther King Day, Washington’s Birthday, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day and Thanksgiving.  And those are just the Federal holidays.  That doesn’t include religious holidays and other U.S. holidays like Flag Day, Patriot Day, Constitution Day and all those other holidays (don’t forget boxing day).

Our country loves history so much that there are people who actually reenact Civil War Battles.  I know, I want to see one of these too, but I have yet to hear about one in Oklahoma. 

So then why are we encouraged to forget our past? 

Pain?  Fear?  Guilt?  Regret?

These can all be reasons to try and forget the past, but I feel that God encourages us to embrace our past.  They certainly did back in the days before Christ.  Jewish history was common knowledge for the most part in those days.  Everyone knew the story of the creation, the exodus, David and Goliath. 

Without the past of the Old Testament, there could not have been a New Testament.  If the Jews did not know what the past had said about the coming Messiah, the disciples would have missed the whole thing.  It was in the history and what was said by the prophets that brought them clear understanding after his resurrection.

Maybe our past is nothing more than trials for a bigger event that is coming for us. 

I am 29 years old and single.  I have never been married.  Been engaged once, but that was for 2 months and she was not the right woman for me. As of now, I don’t have a serious relationship in sight and honestly, I am really not worried about it.  My past has taught me to be strong.  There have been numerous nights in the past 2 years that I stayed awake worrying and depressed that I would never find anyone.

This can be rough when all your friends have already gotten married and your little brother is actually getting married before you.  However, I know God has someone picked out for me and that every relationship I have been through is just preparing me for that person. 

If you think about every person you have been in a relationship with, do you really think that you would want to be with them now after everything you know about them?

I know that the person I was with when I was 18 is not who I would want to be with today.  The person who I was with when I was 21 is not the person I would want to be with today either.  The person I was with when I was 27… yea, I would have liked to see where that would have gone. 

Regardless, I know what I am looking for in a woman now because every failed relationship is leading me toward the successful relationship. 

I look at my parents failed marriage and it makes me value marriage even more.  Therefor I am not just jumping in to a commitment with the first person I feel secure with (almost did that). 

The past is not a just a bunch of failures and success’, but lessons and trials by God. 

i am writing...

I automatically go for the worst possible women ever.  I don't know if it is because I know that there is no chance that a relationship will form or if I just enjoy actually being accepted by someone. 

My lick has not been good lately or my confidence hasn't been up.  I know I deserve someone great and someone who will appreciate me for me.  However, I still have it in the back of my head that I don't deserve a great woman.  Not after the pain I have put so many through.  So I date the bad one's.

The last woman and I had nothing in common.  Is not a Christian, goes to dstrip clubs, drinks like a fish.   PASS. 

Yet, I still asked her out for a second date.  I think I am just getting lonely and will settle for any companionship.  It could be that my best friend AND my little brother are getting married next Saturday.  I actually had the nerve to call my mom and ask her if I could not go.  Maybe just fly to the beach for the weekend. 

She said she would kill me if I did.

However, this evening, as I was watching a movie (chick flick) with some friends from church, I started to realize that what I see in these love stories IS what I want.  I want the impossible love that when you think it will never happen, it happens. 

until then, i am loving my relationship with God

death...

As soon as the news broke, I called Cameron.  I lean on him a lot on things.  I saw people dancing in New York and cheering in front of the White House yelling "USA USA USA." 

However, I did not know how to react.  All Cameron said was "it's weird." 

No help there. 

So I took the day to think about it.  I usually do this after watching a movie and not knowing how i feel about it after I get out of the theater.  I usually tell people to give me a day.  So that is what I did in this instance, I took a day.

I can't help but feel a bit of relief.  There is not a doubt in me that the man deserved death after the thousands he has slaughtered.  I just don't know if I can CELEBRATE him being dead. 

It grieves my heart to see/hear others do so.  Especially my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Are we not supposed to be the one's who look past the sin and see them for being a lost soul? 

I actually read on facebook, people posting "enjoy hell" or "I wonder what Osama said before he was casted in to the lake of fire."  First, I am neither God nor is anyone else.  There is only one God and ONE God who will decided where we all spend eternity.  Jesus said in Matthew 7 that we should not to judge or we too will be judged, so how can we be 100% sure he is where we think he is?  We can't.  Nor shoud we care.  We have to worry about the living, not the dead. 

As bad a man as he was, he was a man.  He had a soul and he was loved by God, regardless.  No one can ever change that.  I know God hated the things that Osama did, but as Jesus said, "hate the sin, not the sinner."  I don't think we get to choose when to apply this scripture and when not too. 

I remember thinking the same thing after Timothy McVeigh was put to death.  I asked my mom if this was right, if we were meant to decide who should die and who should live.  I am not saying that i would not have done the same, my question is our reaction to the end result. 

Jesus had all the power to harm those, whoever he wanted.  Yet, he didn't.  In fact, during the abduction of Jesus, one of the soldiers gets his ear cut off.  You didn't see Jesus jumping around cheering that one of them was injured during the abduction.  Instead, he healed the man.

If something happened to my family or any children I might have someday, I can't say that I wouldn't seek death to the individual.  However, I know I won't react by cheering and celebrating if I do. Death doesn't undo death nor bring closure.  It just brings more death.

I close with this.  My prayers go out to those who lost loved ones through terrorism or as a result of the war.  To those who seek closure and direction after this matter, I pray for you. 

I pray for our country.  That we are guided to a new day to be an example to the rest of the world.  That God may guide us to peace, with all.