Disney world is massive (referring to the whole resort in Florida). And by massive, I mean you could spend weeks in that place and STILL never see everything. And if you missed the map kiosk at any of the beginnings of the amusement parks, or at your hotel, or in your bus on the way there, or at the airport…you, are screwed. There is no way you would be able to find any of your destinations without a map. You merely would be wandering around the parks for hours just trying to find your way back to the entrance.
New York City is this way as well; only, they don’t have many map kiosks around the city. Thank God for GPS phones now, right? Don’t even get me started on the subway system there. I don’t see how anyone lives there and not get lost.
Here, in Oklahoma, I am great at directions because I know north, south, east and west. In NYC, you can see the sun. The buildings tower over you and as you follow the long path to the top of a building, you find it meshes with another building and you can’t tell where one begins and one ends, almost as if these building were recreating the sky.
I have only had the luxury of going to NYC. It was during a brief period of time after my failed attempt at an engagement. My roommate, Trey, and I went to Boston for about over a week and we decided we should head down to NYC since we were so close and never had been.
We took a $15 bus ride from Boston to NYC on the Fung Wah (famous for all their accidents, Google them). We left yearly morning and arrived in NYC at about 11am. We had a list of things to see so there was not a moment to waste.
Luckily, the night before, Trey had written this list down and devised a map that would make use of our time wisely. This map, more of street by street directions along with the accompanied subway we were supposed to get on, was an 8x10 piece of paper that Trey had folded into 8 different sections with writing on both sides of the paper. It was Genius.
In 9 short hours, we saw Ground Zero, went on a Statue of Liberty speed boat tour, walked along the pier, ate at “Tom’s Restaurant” (made famous from Seinfeld), visited Times Square, Ed Sullivan theater, a tour of NBC studios, Rockefeller Square and made it half way to Coney Island before heading back to the bus station at 8pm.
Without that piece of paper, Trey and I would have been screwed. I am certain that we would have gotten lost, missed our bus, Trey sold to terrorist and me to a slave market that makes tiny shoes for porcelain dolls.
*****
Anytime you travel anywhere, you should have a map. I don’t care who you are, it is a wise decision. I have been on a Journey for the past year of my life.
A little over a year ago, I was re-introduced to a God who I had turned my back on and went my own way without any direction. The only thing that actually changed though was my desire to follow Him. Only, I wanted to follow Him and not let Him guide me.
That is really hard to comprehend when you read it, but let me explain.
My fire had returned. I wanted to be this man that God had always wanted me to be. He gave me a great Church that had similar visions as me, a worship leader who let me use my love and passion for music and a Pastor who never stopped me from being the best me.
The only person in my way was me. I had wanted to find my way to this point in my life where I am comfortable with God, never falling, constantly loving and selfless of my own desires. Up to two weeks ago, I still had not reached that point. I am not saying I have found it now, but I am on my way.
For the past 6 months, I had this anger building up inside of me more and more every day. The thing about being angry is, you try to find people to take it out on. I was doing this. I was angry because I had not become the person that I wanted to have become for God yet. I was not singing, or leading any worship songs yet, or making videos as I have always longed to do for any Church. I thought this is what I was “called” to do.
No, I had become the stage manager for my church to deal with the frustrations that come along with that and playing guitar twice a week during worship.
I wanted to quit. I even told my Pastor during lunch that I had thought about quit being a leader. I can’t tell you “when” exactly, but I can tell you that I have never felt a tongue lashing more than ever by God or felt more conviction on my heart than I have for the past two weeks.
I had been watching these series by Craig Groeschel called “Samson” online. I think it is when he said that “most men want to be the main character of their story. The truth is, you are not the main character, God is.”
I think that is when the guilt hit me. This past year, I had been trying to write me a new story, but I was trying to make myself the main character when all this time God is the main character. I was angry about what he created out of me and not what I had created out of myself.
Shame on me! How could I be angry about being used so great every Sunday? I had become so self-absorbed with myself that I had let it pour out into my spiritual life. I had tried to guide myself through my life without a map and I was lost, beaten and hurting inside.
Not only that, I had found myself dis-satisfied with my walk with Jesus. I wasn’t loving people, helping the sick or the poor. All I was doing was judging from a distance with my sympathy for them. Not acting on this sympathy. That is not what Jesus taught me to do. This shamed me.
There was something else Craig Groeschel said as well that helped me get through this shame. When talking about Samson, whose strength had been taken from him by the cutting of his hair, said “that which gave you strength will grow back.” Just like Samson’s hair.
God is big. Bigger than New York City, and I braved Him my own way rather than his.
It is easy to lose sight sometimes of what our role is in this world. It’s not about us; it’s about Him and living the best life His way. The way Jesus taught. Realizing that our life is but a “mist that appears a little time and then vanishes” (James 4.14 ESV).
As I thought about New York and how the people who live there can get along easy without a map, I remind myself. They have had to live there several years before they memorized their way around. And when I talk to those who use to live there, they say that they still got lost on occasion because it is so big.
In time, I will know God’s ways as my own. However, there will still be moments that I need to follow His path and not mine to avoid getting lost.
