i have always had trouble getting to sleep. once asleep though, i couldn't never wake up.
it's been this way lately for me. pretty much because i can't get my brain to stop thinking about the past. it's hard to let go of things, or people, in your past. i do believe that God has more in store for me, but it is hard to try and realize that you'll love anyone that way again.
it's been over a year since i last spoke to this person. i know she is happy, and i am happy for her. i don't know if anything truly makes the pain go away.
i wonder if God feels this way toward the world. the constant punch in the gut. the stab in your heart.
i am going to two weddings next month. both on the same day. one is my little brother and the other my best friend. of course i am thinking about my life and reflecting on where i am.
the answer, no where close to even being in a relationship. call it fear of commitment, being picky, lack of trust, whetever. i keep on telling myself that there is someone for everyone.
however, this doesn't stop me from lying in bed at night thinking about her.
my prayer is this, that God would bring peace to my heart. I don't want something to take the place of the pain, but i want there to be closure with it. this could be why i have yet to settle/find anyone. it would not be fair to carry this pain into a relationship with anyone. that would be selfish.
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